Out and About

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necessary life skills, six year olds, third grade

As we were walking on the street on a usual cloudy San Francisco morning my wife and I were enjoying a conversation about our child.  Prior to moving to San Francisco, I only saw my family in the morning and at bedtime.  Being an English teacher meant working from 830 am to about 830 pm.  All jobs are based on contracts, so teaching is a component of the overall business.  Where was I, yes, as we reflected on our lives and child my wife shared a story with me about children in Taiwan.

She said that in Taiwan there are children who are over protected and usually lack the necessary life skills for them to be productive and creative.  There are stories where grandparents and parents try to fulfill every aspect of their kids lives but ignore the normal development process.  For example, there are kids who can not tie their shoes in the third grade because they were never encouraged to learn to do it themselves.  I have witnessed six-year olds who can not turn on the faucet or are afraid to use the bathroom alone.

This lead to our own upbringing and the challenges we must overcome in our family.  We have to be self-critical and examine ourselves so we improve the life of our child.  We continue to grow until we die.  We die early when this process stops.  It takes our communication and effort to improve our environment.

It’s a wonderful challenge because I’m force to bring my issues to the front and resolve them.  It’s not simple or pretty to evaluate yourself periodically, but it makes your relationship find better pasture.  It’s like when we exercise and feel tired the next day, but good and thankful at the same time.  For me, this is life and it will go on.

Education vs Parents in Taiwan

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costly participation, education in taiwan, educational businesses

Living in Taipei, Taiwan for seven years, I have experienced how dedicated Taiwanese parents are toward their children’s education.  This dedication to learning is to get the child ready for a career in life.  Education in Taiwan is not free, and having access to advance learning can prove costly.

Participation in sports or other forms of physical activity is minimized in a child’s daily routine.  I’m often surprised by kids who are 12 years old get excited about playing at the sandbox with 5 year olds.  Or when I play catch with a sticky ball in class, a child may not know how to catch or react to an oncoming ball.

Education comes in all forms in Taiwan because they have developed a system based on constant memorization and constant testing.  Add to this educational businesses that cater to specific school subjects known as cram schools, then you have a situation where a child is introduced to peer pressure at an early age.  The peer pressure is not physical, but rather mental.  The dumb kid gets singled out and teased at while the smart kids that can memorize information and score high on tests are not.

As an English teacher, I have witnessed the process from kindergarten through high school.  When I taught kids who were 5 years old, there was pressure from the school to quickly learn and memorize their books.  They were overloaded with material that didn’t fit their age.  For instance, a child had to know the difference between a past and present tense verb because they were to face a test before entering first grade in order to differentiate the kids who can handle the pressure versus the ones that were sent to remedial classes.

Parents expect the best for their kids in all societies.  However, in Asia being the best means everything to them.  There is no room for failure because it makes everyone loose face.  That can never happen, it is not allowed.  Usually parents who lack foreign language experience don’t realize what their kids are doing.  They trust the teacher and since they are paying a lot of money, they only want success.  As you can imagine all kinds of vices come out as a result of this.  Cram schools are dishonest with their customers, schools promise a bright child, while pressuring them verbally and sometimes physically to do their best.  Children can only cope for so long before they develop disorders and rage.

So what do you think about this?  The system works for kids who have involved parents but finding parents who can see their children during the day is difficult.  Why? Everyone works eight to ten hours a day.  Parents also lack the information to assist their children positively.  While some parents ignore the issue altogether and let the school system handle the child.  This is because they don’t want to be responsible for their child’s behavior, again the losing face mentality creeps in.

The Good and Bad Toy

Are you a toy in your child’s life?  If you come home and your child expects to receive a toy rather than a hug or a greeting, then some parenting soul-searching is in order.  I remember when I was 4 years old and our dalmatian would run to the gate expecting her master’s return with the promise of a juicy treat at the end of her wailing and whining.  With children, it can be an addiction to toys that we inadvertently introduce to them.

From a parenting standpoint, the toys that we give our child reflects the values which we want to introduce to them.  This object which comes in contact with our child, needs to be thoroughly scrutinized by us before we allow it into our loving family environment.  Which leads to simplicity as we inform ourselves through experience that most toys are not all cracked up to be.

Multi-play toys that involve nature are wonderful and freely available which can be found in the world around you.  We often find tree branches, leaves, or stones and invent games with them in the park.  Ageless toys like balls and blocks are interchangeable and without limit.  The good toy doesn’t need to be limited by one function.  Stimulating the young child’s imagination through simple play that involves all his body parts can guide him in his development.

The bad toy is a thing that when you see it, you will easily walk away from it.  It has less function or too many functions that children don’t need.  Anything with a screen can limit a child’s natural exploration.

One christmas, he received a remote control car as a gift.  He was immediately enamored with how it functioned as he cheerfully played with it.  After a week, he successfully took it apart and began to take off the wheels.  He was three years old.  The toy car ended up in the recycle bin as he lost interest in it.  He lost interest with the car because it could only go forward and backwards.  He had already mastered this body function early on.  The toy didn’t introduce new information to him.

With legos, he didn’t get off to a creative start.  Since he didn’t have experience with it, we introduced it as a family activity.  Like language, it took a lot of observation and practice.  Once he discovered that he can manipulate the Lego blocks, he began to get excited.  He used his imagination to build objects around the house.  It didn’t matter whether it looked realistic or not, his imagination was running along at his speed.  We can only guide him through his choice of play.  As parents, we didn’t know how it would turn out, that’s the risk involved with toy experimentation.

We have to learn to be diligent and involved with our kids.  No matter how a career demands your time, there is no daycare or substitute for an involved relationship.  Toy purchasing has to reflect the family’s value.

The Triumphant Parent

The triumphant parent takes all the licks with patience, love, and determination.  Life’s challenges arise and fall, and the triumphant parent maneuvers through the thick and thin of it.

We need to reflect ourselves and communicate with our spouses or husbands as we grow with our children.  Just because you are older by a meaningless age number should not limit you to what goals you see for your family.

I uploaded this video because he has patience and he is involved in the child’s life.

Greetings, Bienvenidos, 大家好！！

Welcome all parents teaching their kids and sharing their lives with their families.  Parenting is a never-ending joy that everyone has in them.  Even if we are not married, or have children, the world is open to parenting experiences through life experiences.  Allofuskids are just that.